Leonardo DiCaprio once went to a beach on vacation. There, he met some fellow
people who were on the island and became part of their commune. The commune
members were from all around the world, but they established order, rules, and a
civilization. The vacation was fine until they learned the island was owned by
evil drug lords. Well... I guess every vacation can't be a perfect Family
vacation!
We assumed Linda and my daughter were ill as a result of a
steak they shared at the Rain Forest Cafe. I am sorry, but, I don't think a $25
steak should make you sick for 2 days (that is $6 per person per day). On the
positive side, we saved a lot on our food budget!
The rest of our stay
at Disney was uneventful... Except for Jim Gordon's fight with a hammock. As he
was walking along the beach at the resort, he turned to help a small child. Just
then, a gust of wind threw the hammock into the air and its wooden support
scalped him. Jim picked himself up and made it back to the hotel room to find a
large gash in his forehead.
When my oldest son returns to school and his
teacher asks "what did you do at Disney?" I am sure his answer will be "we
walked, then we stood in line. And then we walked. And then we stood in line."
It was typical to stand in line for 30 to 45 minutes for everything: Bus, rides,
food, etc. For food, you stand in line to order and then stand in line to pick
up your food. When I go through McDonalds drive thru, they have my hot custom
ordered food ready for me in the time it takes to drive around the side of the
building. I am sorry, Mr. Disney, but McDonalds has set the expectations of your
customers. We know it can be done. We know we can get a hamburger in minutes at
McDonalds, so, why the wait?
I believe the answer goes back to the car
salesman lessons I learned. If you make someone wait, you have control over
them. if they have control over you, you'll stop questioning the $7 hamburger
and the $3 bottle of water.
I have come to believe the wait is
intentional. Highway departments make people wait at red lights as a way to
control traffic flow. Engineers use boulders and wait pools as a way for
controlling river currents. And I believe Disney intentionally makes people wait
as a means of crowd control.
The Toy Story ride at Hollywood Studios is
one of the newest and most popular. It is a 3D arcade style ride, with a line
that is often 60 to 120 minutes long. It was in this line that we were perhaps
half way through when a voice came over the speaker. "We are sorry, but due to a
technical difficulty, we need to close the ride and we do not know when it will
re-open. We recommend you leave and check back in half an hour." We were already
30 minutes into our wait, so, there was no chance we were going to leave the
line! Besides, if enough people left, we could get to the front of the line! We
stayed for another 45 minutes (until the park closed) before we abandoned the
line. The ongoing joke was "have you heard about the new ride at Disney? It is
called The Line. You stand in line for 30 thrilling minutes! That's the ride."
I stood in line for 20 minutes at a hamburger and fry stand because they
ran out of fries. When all you do is hamburger and fries, how can you run out of
fries? When my food finally came, the lady behind the counter gave mine to
someone else. After the customer handled my food, ate a few fries, and
determined she had the wrong order, she returned it to the counter. "Oh, I am
sorry," the Disney employee said and then turned to me, "this must be your
order." There was no way I was going to wait another 20 minutes for unhandled
food, so, I took it. It was fine; I just wish the previous owner
hadn’t discarded my tomato and lettuce.
The bus rides at
Disney are agonizingly long waits - especially with the rash of motorized
scooters that everyone with any ailment has. Nothing against people who need
them! There just is an awful lot of them. Because of all the waiting it takes an
hour to go anywhere by bus. And bus transportation is supposed to be a perk for
staying at a resort? Some perk!
It is on the bus that you can contrast
culture change. Once upon a time, men would give up their bus seats for others -
but that tradition has died. After I had given up mine, a woman stood holding a
small child while standing before a healthy twenty-something who should have
offered his seat to her. Another time, a man with a cane and a crippled leg was
forced to stand. Many traditions that mark civilization have died - for example,
not tossing you garbage on the ground, or, not elbowing a 3 year old in the head
without apologizing and making sure the child is OK, not cutting in line, not
allowing children to trample through flowers, and not shoving your way through a
crowd so you split-up a family. The great melting pot it creating a stinky and
disgusting stew!
We are developing the nation of babble as many park
visitors had difficulty with English. My daughter has taken 3 years of Spanish
and was unable to explain to 3 Spanish speaking girls where the line was to
order ice cream. Perhaps it is just me, but, I find a deep southern accent to be
like another language too! I recognized probably a dozen different languages
being spoken - and that was just from the Disney employees!
At the
conclusion of the week, we packed our items into those 37 suite cases. We had
only used a third of the cloths we brought. I did the world gym work-out to
reload the van. After checking out of the hotel, we were ready for the long
drive home. I stuck the keys in the ignition and gave the van a start. Just our
luck! It started rough causing the Check Engine light to come on again!
Oh no! I don't like where this is going....
"Holiday Ro oh oh oh
oh oh oad.
Holiday Ro oh oh oh oh oh oad!"
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