We woke up and I offered to make breakfast. The house we are renting has a gas
stove. I haven't used a gas stove in 25 years! The oven was easy to use - just
hit the button, the oven lights, and all is good.
So I put the pan on the
stove and turned the knob. After checking on a few things, I returned to the
disappointment that the pan was still cold. What happened? Apparently you have
to turn the knob to LiGHT first. I didn't know that. Unfortunately, the kitchen
was now filled with gas. So that when I turned the knob to light, I heard a loud
"Woof" and found all the hairs on my arm burnt off.
Linda came out of
the bedroom and said "why does the house smell like gas?"
And I just
said "I don't know, maybe there is something wrong with the stove... Lets pick
up breakfast on the way."
We headed to Animal Kingdom at the crack of
noon. It was a beautiful warm, sunny day in Florida when we left. But as soon as
we arrived at the park? Gilbert luck kicked in. Tropical Storm Chantal decided
to pay a visit. At first, it was just a drizzle, which gave us enough time to
jump into Pizza Safari before the skies opened and it down poured for an hour.
This week there are many tour groups from Latin America visiting. They
were caught in the down pour and cracking thunder and were running in herds for
shelter anywhere they could find it. Eventually the storm passed but it left
most of the rides we wanted out of order.
Animal Kingdom is our least
favorite park. We live in the country surrounded by wilderness: bears, foxes,
coyote, beaver, otters, deer, possum, and those guys that hang out at the corner
down town. Walking on trails through the woods to see an animal is too much like
home. If you love the zoo? Animal kingdom is for you. But not for us.
The Lion King and Nemo shows are good. Tough to be a Bug's 3D is very
old and needs to be updated. Having all the rest of our favorite rides out if
order made a bad park that much worse.
Before coming to Disney, Linda
finished her first Karate class. In this class she learned how to break a board
with her bare hand. She just leans into the punch and crack! The board breaks in
half! I feel safe going into strange places now because I know my wife can
defend me.
We walked around the Animal Kingdom and everything and
everyone was soaking wet from the tropical down poor. The sun was starting to
come out, but there was still a cold dampness to the air. That it when it
happened. A tall Brazilian blond in her late twenties came by. She had been
caught in the down poor and unfortunately wore a white shirt to the park. And I
guess they don't wear bras in Brazil because this had the effect of a wet
t-shirt. She seemed completely comfortable with her wardrobe malfunction.
Guys are wired just a certain way. It is unavoidable. When this woman
came by, even a blind man would have turned his head to look. A gay man would
had gawked. And me, being a normal healthy straight guy? It was impossible to
not at least notice this. It was such an oddity to see in a family oriented
park. This isn't a wet T-shirt contest during spring break at Daytona Beach!
This is Disney! And for her to be so oblivious to it seemed even more
incredible.
Suddenly I heard a loud crack and pain shot through the
entire left side of my body. Had I just been hit by lightening? Was this the
last thing I would hear before seeing Jesus? No. Linda had delivered one if her
board breaking karate punches into my arm. She followed it with "You look at her
again and you are sleeping on the couch."
My arm! My arm was now dead and
limp for the rest of the day, useless, as a reminder of my innocent
transgression.
With Animal kingdom sucking worse than it normally sucks,
we decided to leave and go to Down Town Disney. Unfortunately, everyone else
decided this too. We parked at Down Town way out in the over flow parking lot's
over flow lot. We were so far away, it would have been faster to walk the other
way around the lake to get to Down Town. After an hour fighting traffic and
crowds we decided the place was too packed. We walked around for a while, then
gave up on any chance of doing something fun and left to find dinner.
Dinner was found at the Sizzler. We haven't been to a Sizzler since our
honeymoon in 1991 when Linda upset a waiter by giving him a dirty look for
seating us so far away from the buffet. The Sizzler was an interesting
experience. Like Ponderosa (or, Pound of Gross Out, as we used to call it when
they were still open in new York), you order a meal and eat at a buffet and take
your meal home. And afterward had the additional benefit of cleaning you out
gastronomically.
We returned home in desperate need to use a restroom.
But the sprinklers were on again. Faced with getting wet or crapping myself, I
ran through the sprinklers and became more wet in that dash than Tropical Storm
Chantal had made me all day.
I woke the next day, rubbing my still sore
arm. Hoping for a better day!
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